after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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