Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
time to smoke my breakfast
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize