you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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