In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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