You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize