Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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