is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
