I faked an abortion last night.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
