I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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