she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
