his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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