i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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