Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
