I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
