And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
