Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
