Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
