everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
