thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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