I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize