3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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