my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
