My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
