Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
