I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
