He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
