I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
