so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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