At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
