your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
