I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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