fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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