lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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