Dual....:-)
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
