the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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