My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
