five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
