I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
