Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I could fuck to npr.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
