he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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