the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
