I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
