I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
