Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
