Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
