You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
