If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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