I understand Curling. That high.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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