So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
