it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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