He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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