one two three fourrrrnication!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
