Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
