And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
This is not my ceiling
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
