i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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