apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
