this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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