lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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