SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
