roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize