Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
