I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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