Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
