so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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