Are we in a gay sports bar?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
