Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
