MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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